We Are Not Meant To Navigate Portals Alone
Portals are transformational experiences that usher us from one chapter of our lives into a distinctly new one. They can be welcome transitions or unexpected losses. They can be full of joy and full of grief. They can be lonely and isolating because the experience is often subjective and unique to not only the person - but also to the transition itself.
This isolation can be compounded by societal and interpersonal realities like the ideal of independence, the discomfort of not knowing what to do or how to support someone, and the very real ways grief, joy, loss, pregnancy, and birth are policed for those of us who have been historically oppressed. (Edited: the original version of this sentence read like the policing was being done by those of us who have been historically oppressed - but hopefully y’all knew what I meant!)
(Speaking of... it's Black Maternal Health Week! I encourage you to learn more here.)
But we are not meant to navigate these portals alone.
I come back to this post from Prentis Hemphill, who reminds us we each exist in a constellation of love. It is these webs of care that help make transformation possible. Whether by being witnessed, offered food or validation, there is some delicious healing magic in being seen - and really seeing others. (We're practicing interdependence after all!)
Remembering that we are meant to navigate these experiences in community may take practice. And that’s ok.
You can start practicing by imagining your own constellations of care.
Who loves you?
Who do you call on?
Who calls on you?
What ancestors have your back? (this could be ancestors by blood or by choice)
Who do you love?
Take a moment to write them down, draw your own celestial map, create a collage of pictures, call them in in your mind, etc. Come back to this reminder, this memory whenever you are navigating transition - or when someone you know is. Don’t forget this is like a two way (or multi-way) street - reach out to them and remind them they are loved and you are there.
As a super special bonus practice - try creating these webs of care with a loved one!
xo
Michelle
“Communal grieving offers something that we cannot get when we grieve by ourselves. Through validation, acknowledgement and witnessing, communal grieving allows us to experience a level of healing that is deeply and profoundly freeing.”